Buffalo Mozzarella Down 30p and THAT'S THE TRUTH!!!

Wow. As if it couldn't be any cheaper.
I bet those Eastern Bloc milk hunters are taking down those buffaloes left right and centre with their gat guns... robbing the local Injuns of their heritage and moccasin/food supply.
Oh well, I guess moccasins will be up for grabs under the next offer promotion in Lidl stores....

Lidl Vodka/Anaesthetic/Fuel of Some Sort

The discerning boozer, home surgeon, backstreet surgeon ("Hi Doctor Nick!" ) and under 18 BMX riding squirrel catapulting juvenile will surely be familiar with this range of Vodka drinks, anaesthetics or explosives (pictured).

123% over proof and only 78p per 4 litre bottle... now that is liver rotting car exploding value.

Simply pour onto a car bonnet and "...that will go through the engine block of a Fiat Uno no problem".

After purchasing, do not stand within 3 miles of any naked flame (or person) and make sure you have your doggy life vest close to hand...

The two in-store options are:

• Blue Flavoured


• Red Flavoured

Why no baskets!!!?

As you may be aware, Lidl do not supply shopping baskets. Also, there are signs EVERYWHERE saying those spotted putting items into their own bags will be subject to bag searches and the scrutiny of the security staff.

How does one transport ones items to the checkout one might ask?

Well, one can... with difficulty.

Here is their policy on shopping and 'simplicity'...

"Quality is big and prices are small at Lidl.

Yes, we do charge for carrier bags - at Lidl you only pay for what you get. There are no hidden charges at Lidl and all our prices are the most competitive, every day.
Yes, it's true that we don't offer shopping baskets - at Lidl we only provide trolleys. You will need to put in a pound coin as a deposit - that saves us costs and these savings are passed on to you.
Yes, we sell a number of products directly from boxes or from pallets - at Lidl we keep everything straightforward and simple and that's why you save more."

Yes, I always thought the shopping basket was a pretty simple concept.

Yes, everything from now on will start with "Yes, "

Yes, one option to transport your cheapy items to the checkout is a shopping trolley, which seems very unnecessary if one is popping in to get a carton of Apfel Saft (Apple juice made from 50% concentrate). Imagine that, a carton of Apfel Saft or Apple Juice 'Cloudy' (Made from 100% apples) jangling around in a trolley. Crazy!!!

Yes, actually not crazy, you can carry one carton without the need of a trolley... You wouldn't even need a basket at all. So let's say you have 4 cartons of Apfel Saft 'Cloudy', 6 free range eggs and a tub of cashew nuts. THEN you are in the limbo area between trolley and basket. The eggs are fragile. You 'could' balance these on the Apple Juice 'Cloudy' but you are already being pretty pikey anyway. To put such a small amount of items into a trolley would make you appear even poorer, SO.. what do you do!!!?

You grab a box. Yes, a plain old box. Again to keep the overheads down there are no shelves but pallets of products simply placed on the shop floor and yours truly has the job of opening the boxes to get at the contents inside.

A typical procedure would be:

• To enter the store, scout around without picking up any items (Avoiding the stares of the security guard) and find a box, perhaps in the baked beans section. For example a box of baked beans, with only two or three tins remaining. Simply remove the remaining tins, place neatly aside and continue shopping with your new make-shift shopping carrier (i.e. a Box)


• To walk into the store. Grab the nearest box of products. Tip contents onto floor. Walk away with your new make-shift shopping carrier (i.e. a Box)


• To walk into the store, follow the person who entered just before you, stand behind them while they empty the few remaining items from a box on the pallets, wait until they turn their head, distract them or push them over.. and walk away with your new make-shift shopping carrier (i.e. a Box)

What is even odder is you have to pay for carrier bags. Unlike any other shop in the WORLD... so surely they have the money coming in there, overheads still reduced... but to spend on baskets?

You see, this is the reason Lidl stands out from Farm Foods and Aldi... it's just so original on so many levels.

I love Lidl

Don't we all!?
Now I have several theories about this vandal.

• It's not a vandal, but the manager of the store doing some shameless promotion


• A Post Python Modernist Comedian with a surrealist sense of humor


• Somebody out there really genuinely loves Lidl and wants to tell the world

Either way, somebody did it... and probably meant it, in some way or another. Whoever it was, I take my hat off to them, not condoning their vandalistic actions, but rather, their self expression.
I don't have a hat.
So, I'll just settle for a swig of Apfel Saft 'Cloudy' in their honor....

Aw... Lidl Doggy Life Vests

Truly bizarre yes.. and very very Lidl indeed. A life vest for a dog, for sale in an East London store of Lidl. OF COURSE! Doggy life vests, in London... I can't believe I haven't already got one. Do Lidl have visions of a post apocalyptic flood? The humble canine will drag the soggy and waterlogged remaining survivors of humanity to high ground and start the world from afresh... in a much much more pikey environment. However, sadly, as pikey humanity begins, the dogs will be hunted down for food... hunted at night as with their fluorescent orange life vests they will be visible for miles. Speared to the ground by a Lidl frozen baguette and devoured in return for saving the whole of humanity.
Surprisingly, despite the value for money, I don't think a single one of these has sold.
I guess humanity is doomed.

Lidl Smells Funny

It's just so... "Eastern Bloc"

An Example of Typical Lidl Staff

Typical Lidl staff, willing to meet and greet you in every store... Just don't mention Aldi's... they could turn on you, pepped up on high sugar content fruit juice and pure unfiltered ambition.

The classiest joints

Could it be said Lidl may be alienating the middle class, aristocratic and celebrity shopping audience in the location of their stores? Are they encouraging a new slob culture, shoppers not having to walk to their local store when it is directly beneath them, one Lidl installed under every high rise council estate? Are perhaps my questions too long?

Welcome to My LIDL Obsession

So what is this all about?
Well you may notice the insanely witty pun, LIDL='Little'.. oh ho ho....

Anyway, my name is Ben and I'm probably the biggest snob in the world. LIDL is the most pikiest chain of low budget shops in the world which attracts the dregs of society. It's the cheapest shop in the world, yet all shoppers are criminalised by the security staff and seen as potential thieves. Bags searches are not uncommon, neither are raging arguments in the long, long, long checkout queues. Did I say "Long"?...

To sum the place up, I quote the urbandictionary - "The typical Lidl customer keeps the bags and wears them as clothes. Worse than Asda, somerfield and iceland put together."

Yet, I am strangely drawn to this world, I am now a regular shopper... however not due to the low prices, but for the fantastic experiences I gain on each trip.

For example, in each store is a random selection of non edible items that change on a weekly basis profiled normally in the central aisle of the store. Things ranging from inflatable kids pools to flip flops and pillar drills. Sometimes electrical goods such as microwaves and toasters appear in this section. I have even seen a range of life vests for pet dogs appear in this aisle.

However, bearing in mind this is the pikiest shop in the world, aimed at the sub working class dregs of society... to my surprise in this section has been profiled low cost horse riding gear, horse coats and all manner of riding equipment... a typically aristocratic product range...

Anyway, this site will be dedicated to, and blessed with, my... truly bizarre findings...