The Legendary LIDL Horse Blanket

I have mentioned it on the site in the past... word of it has been muttered in public places... but the LIDL horse blanket has always been a mystery, an enigma... even a myth.

Few have purchased the item for sale in LIDL aimed at a target audience as likely to own a horse as an aristocrat own a pink toweling tracksuit.

The price at a shocking £24.99 means the blanket could not have an alternative use such as a blanket for a baby or even curtains for a bathroom window. It's one of the rare occasions that a REAL baby blanket or a REAL set of curtains for a bathroom window in ANOTHER shop would in fact be cheaper.

ONLY somebody with a horse would consider purchasing it - yet does LIDL really attract the horse owning types?

The pile of horse blankets remains untouched as does the pile of doggy life vests.

What LIDL are forgetting is most LIDL shoppers actually eat horse meat.

The hunt for Red October

Loyal fans *may* wonder what happened to the posts for October this year.

Well, there are none. "What caused this contemptible lack of commitment to your blog" you may be thinking...?

It is one of the following three reasons, YOU the listener/reader must decide...

1. I was very busy
2. I had been tempted by Tescos
3. October was the OCTOBER LIDL BEER FEST!!!!!!!
   

ALL NEW self-serve branch of LIDL!

Well, maybe not so.

But today I did act as my own cashier. I purchased a LARGE amount of items which came to £3.68, these were scanned by the vacant looking cashier who after completing this monotonous task was pushed by a fellow colleague and shouted at. Then an argument developed, a couple of minor "pushes", (nothing too violent) and then the argument about what seemed to be a confusion regarding one of their shifts being relieved continued... leaving me standing there looking at them as blankly as the look I first received from my cashier.

So I placed my switch card into the chip and pin device, completed the transaction, leaned over the counter and grabbed the receipt, took my copy, left the duplicate copy on the till and walked away... all of which was done while they both had their backs to me. Good job I was honest eh!?

Salt and Pepper Grinder that is ALSO a torch

Is this device a myth?

Does this item really exist? What purpose does it serve?

Please comment where possible.

Security Guard Duties

You gotta hand it to em'.

Security guards in LIDL really do work hard, it's like they run the show. Not only to they have to scrutinize every customer/would be criminal in an environment where shopping baskets are banned and customers/would be criminals are thus forced to use make-shift devices such as discarded boxes to transport their items to the counter... BUT they also handle complaints.

If an electronic device is faulty and under guarantee.. who do people hound? The cashier? The floor manager?

No, the security guard.

Surrounded by a small family of angry people he pulls open the box, checks guarantees and receipts... while suspiciously looking around to see if criminals are taking advantage of his lack of attention.

This same principle is applied if you have an item to take back or exchange.

Floor spillages. The janitor? The cashier? The floor manager? No, the security guard is the guy to haul out the "Warning Wet Surface" sign, get a mop and remove any evidence of cheap Germanic vodka spillages.

These guys are truly overlooked in every way. Please show your appreciation by carrying your items clearly in view and in no way look like you're hiding anything, smuggling or avoiding the responsibility of paying.

Küchen Tücher

Let's really hope the German word for "Bottom" isn't "Küchen".

Ice Ice Baby

You can be sure that your frozen products are... well... frozen. Surely their electricity expenses outweigh any meager profits LIDL can make... to maintain such a large amount of permafrost really must cost the Earth.

But if expense came in the way of customer satisfaction in LIDL then there really must be something wrong...

Lidl Chainsaw

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't a chainsaw on a council estate a bad idea? If there were any trees they'd be lopped. And nearby cars would have the petrol syphoned to power the revving monster.

Oh no wait, you can see the lead. It's mains powered. A mains powered chain saw... NOW THAT'S SAFE!!!!

Perhaps they should start selling hockey masks in the December Bloodfest... although the screaming victims would have the chance to run away when you reach the end of the power lead...

Evolution, creation and starvation

Here's a question to ask an evolutionist.

What came first?

Lidl or Aldi?

Whichever one came first I'm sure they have the legal right to sue the other for trademark or branding violation. Both or them are 4 letter words with one L and one i which are interchangeable.

And in regional variations, each gets an "s" automatically added to it. "Ga'an daan Lidls innit..."

"WAR YOO BEEN - AAM STARVEEN"

"Been da'an Aldis"

Let's just hope it's LIDL...